Jumat, April 25, 2008

Being Alone

Last Saturday, I went to Kebun Raya Bogor. Alone of course. Sounds weird and awkward. But I did it. Perhaps people thought that I'm strange and unusual. I admit it, and enjoy it. In my opinion, sometimes people should go to their favorite place alone. Thinking deeply and contemplating. And I dare to say, it's normal. Nothing wrong with it.

There was a moment when I couldn't talk and share my mind with my friends. It was a moment to evaluate myself. Thinking about my dreams, how to achieve it, and how much my progress had advanced. Being alone made me feel free to plan. It opened my mind so I believe the ideas would come easily. I feel fresh since I tried to become closer to surrounding nature. Feel its silence and hear beautiful voices of birds singing on the trees. Enjoy the beauty of the blossom. Delight and charm my eyes with its vivid and colorful form. I couldn't feel better than this.

When the silence was so profound, I recalled my memories about what I had done before. What's my outstanding achievement and thought how to pursue it. I tried to recall all the wrong deeds I had done in the past. How cruel and miserable it were. I wish I wouldn't do the same in the future. Hhh.. Hopefully..

Kamis, April 17, 2008

It's Inevitable

Hhh.. Sigh.. For these past several weeks, suddenly I felt something wrong about what I've done as my daily tasks on my current job. Frankly, this feeling has been filling my heart for longer than I could imagine. But, this feeling is getting stronger as the time went by. Turned me in distress.

It's not about the environment where I've been working for this past year. I've no problem with other colleagues worked on the same division of mine. It's all about my job and what I've been dealing with. Even I'm satisfied with it, but I sense it's wrong. Yeah, it's kind of hearing a perpetual truthful voice from my deepest heart and rang my head. And it's inevitable. I can't avoid it.

My job is dealing with content provider. Some of them are dishonest, in my point of view. They often harm our subscriber by taking their credit in 'dishonest' way. Even sometimes I monitor their traffic and found some fraudulent fact, again, it's inevitable. They are basically cleverer than us. There are usually able to discover a new way to make profit. Since our business model is revenue sharing, it doesn't matter when they gaining revenue by legal or illegal ways. These legal and illegal profit would be mixed and shared. And it's inevitable as well for we couldn't distinguish the sources.

Second thing, and the most need-to-be-considered is some of these content provider usually earning money from quizes. I have no idea why MUI doesn't prohibit this operation. Even it's not categorized as a gambling, I sense it as a easy way to earn a lot of money in a short time. I wouldn't talk about how much it dealt with. Too horrible to be imagined. It tends to educate people or subscriber to be consumptive and wasting their money. Moreover, it creates a new paradigm how to gain money in an easy and simple ways. Aargh, I couldn't bear it for any longer. Can't stop thinking why peoples are so greedy to achieve revenues. They couldn't say it's enough. Even it's more than enough, they said they need more and more.

Hhh.. I've come too far. I know it's wrong and against my will. I don't expect this. Ya Allah, please help me and ease my way in finding out the solution. I want everything to be done in a proper and right way.

Possessed by Books

I can't remember for the first time when I began to spare some of my salary to buy a book. At this moment, buying some books is a must for me at the beginning of the month. I have managed to love reading. And now, I'm satisfied with it.

Reading could really make my brain thinking, imagining and conceiving even more deeply. I can say it helped me to understand and open my eyes wider so I could sense several problems with different point of views. Sometimes, it encourages me to do achieve my goals and blows an idea when I feel like no way out as well. When I read a deeply-touching stories or something majestic, it lift my heart up and cheer me up. It seems I have been being possessed by book. I guess, I can't life without reading book.

Until now, still I read several books at once. I mean, it's a kind of multi threading concept. If I had two or more unfinished books, I wouldn't read and finish the first one and then continue to read the second book. Instead, I would read the first one, and read the second one no matter whether or not I had finish the first one. Yeah, I try to keep my mind open and I don't want to be too focused on one book. In my humble opinion, each kind of books have different time to read. As my behavior in reading books, I usually read novel or anything which doesn't need profound thinking when I was on train, on my way to office or home. Some reading which is heavier in its content and need deep thinking, would be read on the evening before I went to the bed.

I wish, my habit would never change, by the means I want to keep buying books at the beginning of the month. And I'm quite sure, I can keep prioritizing in buying books over my other monthly expenses.